Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
