I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
