I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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