I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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