Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
