she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
