He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
