I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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