I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
