my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
