Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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