So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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