I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
