Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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