its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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