I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
