I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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