Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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