He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
