Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
