After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
