to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
worst night to have a conscience
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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