Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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