We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I queefed so loud it echoed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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