We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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