where does the pee come out of this thing
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
