Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
