She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize