I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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