I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
