U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
