new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This is the high leading the old right now
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Terrible idea I love it
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
