well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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