I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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