Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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