farters have to be the big spoon...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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