yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
