I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
