Already got asked if we're dating
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
