if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize