I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My bed smells like the plague
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
