I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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