If i come over, it means nothing
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
