i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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