I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
