I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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