When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
