a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
