just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
