Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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