On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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