it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
