somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
