The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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