did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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