He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
it glows. i had to have it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
