I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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