Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
