am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
