This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
