So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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