Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize