I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
