I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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