you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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