Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
