Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
