Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
