Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
