Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
