Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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