i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
