I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
