Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
