I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
