my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize