I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
